just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
