Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
