I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
