I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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