Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
