i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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