he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
