You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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