My friends, they love my intelligence
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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