I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
