My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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