we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
