Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
