My room smells like vodka and shame
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
