At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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