I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
