Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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