Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
accomplished twins. life is a go
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
