Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
