i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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