me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
