I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
