I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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