I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
