the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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