You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
