She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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