I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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