I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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