JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
