Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
