so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
