literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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