Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
