i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
