So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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