we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
