I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
