There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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