Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
