do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize