I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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