i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
