i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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