Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize