Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
