Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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