New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize