Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
