i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize