At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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