everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
oh god was she eating orange peels again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
