yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
