I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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