what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
