I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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