I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
