i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
