hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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