My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
