he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
