I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize