Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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