Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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