Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize