I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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