I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize