I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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