You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
