I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
