I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
